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A Framework for Stress

A Framework for Stress

Stress has been linked to health deterioration, lowered workplace productivity and profit, relationship and team discord, psychological problems, and negative risk behaviors. The American Institute of Stress reports that 3 out of 4 doctor’s visits are stress related!

Stress Dragons. Stress dragons are acute stress situations, good or bad, which by necessity divert all of one’s energy into dealing with the fire-breathing dragon-at-hand. These are immediately-required changes that completely alter one's priorities and time for short spurts. Unfortunately, some people get used to having dragons around and think they can fight or tame them, and they put off other things to do it.  Sometimes they are inflicted upon us, but sometimes they are subconsciously invited. One woman I coached was so used to having stress dragons that she used them to nobly avoid handling her own career interests. She had identified her dream career and needed to retrain for it and her own happiness. Her stress dragon was caring for others. She kept immersing herself in caring for her adult siblings' various new health and well-being issues - all good things, of course. Her value of "family-first" kept creating the noble illusion that her stress dragon was normal and temporary and that her training and personal happiness could wait. After more than five years, her own situation had not changed. With coaching, she is setting better boundaries. Her dragons are being put in their place. Doing good is no longer replacing best. It is not noble to fight dragons all day when you should be doing more productive things.

Stress Gnats.  Stress gnats are minor stress situations that are not singularly impactful, but arise in vast numbers in such a constant barrage without let-up as to sap one’s attention over time. These episodic acute rapid-fire micro-crises take chaotic shapes that make it difficult to assign priority to individual responsibilities and tasks. Sometimes these can be mitigated by better planning skills, but often they are unavoidable. Life is just plain complex sometimes! Yet handling stress gnats, annoyances, is not impossible if one can begin to utilize the right repellent. Is there something that is drawing all of the gnats to you? If so, then there is something that you can do to reduce them. One man was frustrated that he could never get anything done at work. People were always asking his skilled advice and sometimes he wasn't even getting credit for it. But he discovered that his own emotional make-up of wanting to be needed was inviting swarms of interactions and activities that were not focused on his own work product that would bring him the very thing he needed.  By beginning to set his own priorities and scheduling times for interactions, he was able to elevate both his reputation as a professional go-to person, and get a promotion where he was recognized for providing skilled advice to others, too!  The repellent worked!

Stress Monkeys.  Stress monkeys are chronic stress situations that mock one’s attempts to change and invalidate movement in any direction. The monkey-on-your-back makes it seem as though there is no solution that will get one away from the situational burden. It can be a long-term illness - your own or a family member's, an unexpected change in family make-up, a crushing financial blow, or anything that seems so overwhelming and permanent that it altars how you view yourself and what your options are. These types of stress monkeys cannot be handled alone, but require a network that allows the monkey on your back to be distracted.  For some, this means joining a support group. For others, it means counseling, a men's camping trip, a women's weekend, or a workout partner. With chronic stress, checking out periodically is healthy because it allows your body and mind to reset itself before it must carry the weight again. Care-takers are typically susceptible to this kind of stress and are highly encouraged to set aside time "just for themselves" for this very reason. Changing the situation may not be realistic, but managing it so one is not bent over in exhaustion or illness is crucial.

Knowing what your own situations are and how to deal with them effectively is an important step in knowing how to optimistically manage them and realistically make changes. Yet, so often people think that the situations themselves are what need to be removed or conquered – and they put lots of effort into trying to do both. How exhausted people get focusing on the situation alone! More often than not, this hyper-focus leads to reactive behaviors of defensiveness, hiding, passive-aggressiveness, detraction, stalling, CYA relationships, blaming, politicking, brown out, and burn out. These reactive behaviors are forms of resistance. Resistance to change means resistance to the very solutions that will reduce one's stressors!  Think about the things that stress you out the most. Are they dragons? Obtain some tools that will help you fight them off so you can focus on what is a priority to you. Are they gnats? Apply the right repellent so your needs are met in a more healthy way that doesn't attract them. Are they monkeys? Step away and be part of a community that allows you to recharge yourself and your own energy. The more you practice these things, the more you learn the most vital key in combating stress: Resilience.

Resilience, in contrast to resistance, is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. The more developed a person’s resilience is, the better able s/he can actively move him or herself out of fight modes (resistance) and back into flow modes (resilience) when making those adjustments.  Flow modes take the forms of vulnerability, responsive participation, articulate communication, optimistic solutions-finding, personal responsibility, relationship building, managed stress levels, modeled life vision, and activated priorities. In other words, a confident life that is authentic and openly lived with joy according to one’s own values and priorities.

But resilience is only one component of the Emotional Intelligence assessments that we administer at A-Squared LAMP Groups. The assessment is a personalized report that identifies fifteen components that, when balanced within five specific competencies, will increase the ability of a person under great strain to “flow” better.  Our coaching services, pay-it-forward scholarships, and memberships may choose to utilize this assessment as part of their coaching development.

We also developed the Stress M.O.T.O.R. Plan  to help people we coach learn how to identify where their personal stress difficulty is on a regular basis. This helps leverage their energy to move the most stress load with the least amount of effort. Learn more about this in our next article.

 

Next Article, June 11th: Stress Matters (Stress M.O.T.O.R.S.)

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2017 Passport Intl Wine & Food Tasting​

Summary

 

International dishes hand-prepared by Désirée, board member and volunteer cook. International wines donated by Total Wines & More in Brea. Various display installations and conversation coaching starter activities were conducted. Display of our Nonprofit and its work was also a hit.

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2017 Passport Intl Wine & Food Tasting​

Summary

 

International dishes hand-prepared by Désirée, board member and volunteer cook. International wines donated by Total Wines & More in Brea. Various display installations and conversation coaching starter activities were conducted. Display of our Nonprofit and its work was also a hit.

2017 Passport Intl Wine & Food Tasting​

Summary

 

International dishes hand-prepared by Désirée, board member and volunteer cook. International wines donated by Total Wines & More in Brea. Various display installations and conversation coaching starter activities were conducted. Display of our Nonprofit and its work was also a hit.

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